Very well written. I totally agree about the cruelty of pity. It’s cousin might be the bigotry of low expectations (also based on judgements made due to appearance). It’s disgusting.
I have a black friend who was extremely upset when a large group of artists she had joined decided after the George Floyd incident that any BIPOC member of the group would be featured and put forward for special recognition of their art. Her opinion was that she wanted her art to garner attention based on its quality alone. She quit that group!
I've been told to my face, "oh, we know you're competent, you're too old to have been hired just because you're female or lesbian".
The problem of the diversity hire is much, much worse for younger women and ethnic minorities. So many of them are sub-par the rest of us don't know where we stand. It also leads to things like potential employers trawling social media in an attempt to find writing or drafting samples online to see if the woman or ethnic minority has ability (speaking from the point of view of hiring junior lawyers and political staffers, which I've done).
This is the thing that my friend feared: that people would not really know how good she was.
I do wonder if the fact that I don’t look my age leads people to assume I do not deserve my position. I had a security guard disbelieve my age the other day - took it very much as a compliment! My grandmother looked like she was 70 when she was in her early 90s. I hope I have the same youthful genes!
Excellent stuff. There is one reason to identify as a member of a pitied (ie insufferably patronized, stigma and often manipulated) group, including as a person with a hidden disability or as a survivor of trauma.
This is that some that come behind, mentees who are trying to emulate our success, are not coping with their hidden disability or trauma. It’s poisoning their lives. Knowing with confidence to which of us they can safely disclose, perhaps for the first time - especially in the case of a person who is also ethnically diverse in the Australian context, may save a promising career - or even a life. Pondering this dilemma at present - counting the cost of silence.
Thank you. People think they’re doing the right thing - but as the tale of my friend at the end shows, it can backfire. I doubt anyone in the company realised the message that they had inadvertently given her: that she was there to tick a box, not because she had value.
Your ability to catch the nuances and difficult choices of everyday life always brings me up short with delight at how you've nailed something I've long felt but hadn't brought to consciousness: thanks, simply.
Very well written. I totally agree about the cruelty of pity. It’s cousin might be the bigotry of low expectations (also based on judgements made due to appearance). It’s disgusting.
I have a black friend who was extremely upset when a large group of artists she had joined decided after the George Floyd incident that any BIPOC member of the group would be featured and put forward for special recognition of their art. Her opinion was that she wanted her art to garner attention based on its quality alone. She quit that group!
Thank you. I’m with your friend on that. I would want my art to be chosen because it was good, and I’d quit too!
I've been told to my face, "oh, we know you're competent, you're too old to have been hired just because you're female or lesbian".
The problem of the diversity hire is much, much worse for younger women and ethnic minorities. So many of them are sub-par the rest of us don't know where we stand. It also leads to things like potential employers trawling social media in an attempt to find writing or drafting samples online to see if the woman or ethnic minority has ability (speaking from the point of view of hiring junior lawyers and political staffers, which I've done).
This is the thing that my friend feared: that people would not really know how good she was.
I do wonder if the fact that I don’t look my age leads people to assume I do not deserve my position. I had a security guard disbelieve my age the other day - took it very much as a compliment! My grandmother looked like she was 70 when she was in her early 90s. I hope I have the same youthful genes!
Excellent stuff. There is one reason to identify as a member of a pitied (ie insufferably patronized, stigma and often manipulated) group, including as a person with a hidden disability or as a survivor of trauma.
This is that some that come behind, mentees who are trying to emulate our success, are not coping with their hidden disability or trauma. It’s poisoning their lives. Knowing with confidence to which of us they can safely disclose, perhaps for the first time - especially in the case of a person who is also ethnically diverse in the Australian context, may save a promising career - or even a life. Pondering this dilemma at present - counting the cost of silence.
Why I am now open. It’s really hard - goes against years of silence.
Great story. Cruelty of pity is a concept I long held in my mind but wasn’t able to articulate clearly until I read it here.
Thank you. People think they’re doing the right thing - but as the tale of my friend at the end shows, it can backfire. I doubt anyone in the company realised the message that they had inadvertently given her: that she was there to tick a box, not because she had value.
Your ability to catch the nuances and difficult choices of everyday life always brings me up short with delight at how you've nailed something I've long felt but hadn't brought to consciousness: thanks, simply.
Thank you Philip! (Still cannot WAIT until we catch up in person…)